Attitude of Specialists

Through the contact I have had with different specialists and doctors in the four years I have been battling leukaemia, I have noticed the way their attitude and mood affects me.  I wonder how much consideration they give to the impact that it can have on their patients?

I don’t expect my specialist to not be honest and forthright about the gravity of my situation.  I don’t expect them to wrap things in cotton wool or to give me false hope.  I’m not wanting my blood test results to be sung to me but a smile and a little positivity could go a long way.

During my last stay in hospital, I noticed a difference between the attitude of two doctors that came to visit me in my room and the way it either boosted or deflated me.

Doctor one discussed my results and progress in a serious and sombre way.  He came across as a bit grumpy and a bit too busy.  His manner made me feel discouraged from asking questions.  He managed a smile on the way out but after he left I was feeling really down and in despair.

Doctor two didn’t have any different news to tell me but he smiled and he was playful.  He celebrated the good things in my test results.  He gave me a hug.  When he left, my situation was no different and I understood this but I felt happy and could easily maintain my positive attitude.  

It made me wonder, is there any importance placed on the doctor’s bedside manner during and post training?  Is the subject ever featured at conferences they attend? 

Doctor two was at an earlier stage in his career than doctor one.  This also led me to wonder, do all doctors start off with an awareness of how they can impact a patient’s morale?  Is it something that loses significance further into their career?  Did doctor one start off with a vision or intention of affecting a patient’s morale positively?  Has he simply lost this intention due to the stresses and busyness of his job?  Has he seen too much, or become a little cynical or pessimistic along the way?

Will doctor number two eventually become more like doctor one?

Doctor one has admitted to me that he doesn’t look forward to seeing me.  This is because he hardly ever has good news for me.  Is his manner towards me due to his feelings of helplessness or perceived failing?  Does he assume I hold him responsible for whatever outcome is ahead? Does he struggle with the fact as a man and as a professional that he can’t fix my illness?  As a father with daughters, is a patient like me too confronting for him?  Is he more cheerful towards patients with a better prognosis than me?  Is a gruff attitude evidence of self-protection?  Am I reading too much into it and was he just simply tired?

I understand it must be difficult for an oncologist at times.  I understand that we all have bad days personally and professionally.  I understand that my prognosis is one of the worst and we are running out of options but if I can put on a brave and happy face then can’t they do the same for me??

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Attitude

We all know that having a good attitude can make a big difference to our lives and how well we deal with challenges, set-backs, disappointments and so-called failures.  A positive attitude can help us overcome life’s many hardships with a little more ease and grace.

I have noticed that the attitude I chose to go into hospital with this last time made a big impact on how well I coped emotionally with the challenge of being back in hospital.  My attitude helped to minimize a lot of the frustrations that being in hospital brings.  It helped me to be more tolerant and patient of the systems that are followed, the mistakes that sometimes happen and of the wide variety of personalities we encountered.

I feel as though my attitude, focus and determination also helped me breeze through treatment physically.  I believe the power of the mind can have a positive impact on treatment outcomes.  You don’t have to look hard to find books that document cases of this e.g. 'Love, Medicine and Miracles' by Bernie Siegel.

When in hospital, not only do I benefit from a positive attitude but so do the people I have contact with including my supporters.

Attitude can be the difference between being an enjoyable person to be around and an unpleasant person to be around. 

My illness is a crappy situation.  The doctors and nurses jobs must be pretty crappy at times on so many levels too.  Why not try to make a crappy situation a little bit better by smashing it with a brilliant attitude?  There are places we would all probably rather be but can’t.  Why not make where we are a little bit better?  Bringing some lightness and fun into hospital makes it more bearable for everyone. 

We enjoy chatting to everyone we come into contact with in hospital and adding some cheer to their day. We play, we tease, we joke, and we laugh with them.

It doesn’t matter who we are talking to.  We take an interest in everyone we come across…. doctors, nurses, tea ladies, cleaners, orderlies. We enjoy finding out about their lives and what makes them tick.  We remember these details and build on our conversations on each hospital stint.  We are polite.  We are grateful for all their work.  We empathise with them and relate to them as humans, not their job title.  It helps that Raymond and I are both intensely interested in people and we bounce off each other when engaging with them. 

Whilst I think it would be unrealistic to expect to be positive and upbeat 100% of the time every time I go through a round of treatment in hospital (especially with some of the side effects of drugs),  it certainly served as a good reminder of the benefits and will be something I will reflect on in future treatments.

The Salvation Army brass band that plays outside the oncology ward on Sundays always helps to lift the spirits!

To visit previous blog entries, select posts from the archives on the right hand side of my blog page or click on “older posts” at the bottom.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho it's back to ward M5 we go!

Back to hospital we go!

Since being on the oral chemo tablets (Etoposide) my leukemic counts have continued to sky rocket, doubling every couple of days.

Another round of high dose chemo was what we agreed on with my specialist as being the best course of action for helping me get down the aisle on our planned wedding date.  This is the same treatment I had recently, which consists of six doses of Cytarabine.

It was either that or the same cocktail of chemotherapeutic agents I had upon arriving home from our holiday in Samoa and we all know how that went!  That would have carried too many risks, would have meant postponing our wedding and would have taken too long to recover from.

The other option was to do nothing until after the wedding but judging by the way my leukemia was behaving it was highly likely that I would have battled with haemorrhaging, infection and / or death.  Not ideal.

So we've played it safe.  Hugh obviously realizes how important it is to us and how much we look forward to getting married and this has been a consideration in his decision making over the past few months. I have a feeling that us getting married is also something that he will quietly celebrate, not that our relationship status makes any difference to him, but because he will have helped me achieve something that other people my age often do.

I've come into hospital feeling very determined and upbeat this time.  I promised myself to really make a giant effort in being positive, tolerant and strong.  I had enough time to prepare myself and organize lots of things to help keep me entertained.  I've been busy making confetti cones for our wedding and have brought a quilt in that I've been making to finish off.  I would actually go as far as saying that I'm enjoying my time in hospital.  I think the pep talk I gave myself before coming into hospital and having some idea of what to expect has really helped.  Also, the goal of getting through treatment and making a speedy recovery in time for our wedding has given me something to focus on and aim for.

It's nice being back amongst our friends, some that we are even on hugging terms with now.  We enjoy seeing our favourite nurses and our not so favourite nurses.  I can hear other patients in the other rooms, hoiking, spewing, chatting, listening to their TVs and in a funny way I feel a sense of community!

Hugh is looking into treatment options available in the United States for after our wedding.  We have our fingers crossed that something promising, if only even mildly, will spring up.

Until then I'm chowing down the hospital food like a good girl and have a drawer full of high energy foods to help me maintain weight for our big day.  With how I'm doing so far, not only will I be maintaining my weight, I'll be putting some on too!

First night in.  Judging by my smile it must have been a good cup of tea

Allowed out for the afternoon on day two.  Having cuddles with Jack

Keeping busy making confetti cones

To visit previous blog entries, select posts from the archives on the right hand side of my blog page or click on “older posts” at the bottom.