In honour of my family

Today's blog is in honour of my family. 

Not only have I been on my journey with cancer for the past four years but so has my family.  Sometimes I think it would be much harder to be facing the loss of a loved one than facing the possibility of losing your own life. I can see the stress and worry has taken a toll on my parents.  I feel bad that they are facing this when they should be looking to their retirement with excitement. I imagine the feeling of helplessness and loss of control would be far greater for my parents and brothers than what it is for me. 

My fear and biggest feelings of sadness and guilt is the pain I have already caused them and possibly will.  I have experienced this pain and witnessed the same grief in others after losing a brother to suicide in the past.  I hate to think that my family may possibly go through this pain again as a result of me.

My family have given me so much support.  They have always been there for me throughout treatment and my tough days.  They have remained hopeful and they have given a delicate balance of the right amount of emotional support and empathy and the right amount of grieving privately.  I have felt the difference and seen the results that love and support can make and I feel so lucky to have had it. 

My brother’s lives have most likely taken backstage, while me and my problems have taken the limelight.  I hope I can repay them by getting healthy so we can all focus on them again.

My family mean the world to me.  Being around to look after my parents in their old age is something that motivates me to get healthy again.  Let’s hope I can return the favour and be there for them in the years to come.